How to Create a Secure Attachment in Pregnancy

I don’t think we can talk about infant attachment without first discussing prenatal attachment. I am writing from my experience as a biological mother who carried her own babies. There are many different paths to parenthood and different ways to form secure attachment in pregnancy. Some women feel a strong attachment from the moment they have a positive pregnancy test, or even before if you are someone who “just knows” long before the positive test. For others, the attachment doesn’t develop prenatally, but they describe immediately falling in love with their baby as soon as they meet. And for other moms, this attachment can take much longer to develop. Perhaps emerging when the haze of newborn life has worn off or once their baby says her first words.

With W, I was fearful of becoming attached. I had a recent miscarriage that left me empty. Of course, I was ecstatic to have a positive pregnancy test a few months later. Yet I was apprehensive. I could not allow myself to fully love the life inside me. Instead, I shielded myself from the anticipated but dreaded pain of another loss. I held my breath each day the pregnancy progressed as we inched toward the weeks of viability.

When we finally had the anatomy ultrasound at 20 weeks, I could breathe a sigh of relief. That was the first block in building our attachment. Shortly after, I began to feel his movements and with each, our bond strengthened. I began piecing together his nursery and lovingly organizing clothes in his dresser. And while I sat on the rocker in his nursery, I could imagine a baby outside of me. A baby that I would care for, nourish, and protect. A baby I would love. And it was in those moments that our attachment was solidified.

What is prenatal attachment?

Prenatal attachment is the emotional connection that develops between expectant parents and their unborn child during pregnancy. It involves feelings of love, care, and protection towards the baby. Creating secure attachment in pregnancy is a crucial part of the bonding process between parents and child. Why is prenatal attachment important?

Good prenatal attachment can lead to several positive outcomes for both parents and child after birth. These outcomes include:

1. Improved maternal health: Mothers who have good prenatal attachment are more likely to practice healthy behaviors during pregnancy, such as eating a balanced diet, exercising regularly, and avoiding harmful substances. This can lead to better overall health outcomes for both mother and baby.
2. Improved fetal development: Prenatal attachment can help reduce stress levels in expectant mothers, which can positively impact fetal development. Studies have shown that high levels of stress during pregnancy can lead to negative health outcomes for the baby, such as low birth weight and developmental delays.
3. Better maternal-infant bonding: Good prenatal attachment can help foster strong bonds between mother and baby after birth. This can lead to more responsive parenting and better overall outcomes for the child, such as improved cognitive development and social skills.
4. Reduced risk of postpartum depression: Expectant mothers who have good prenatal attachment are less likely to experience postpartum depression after the birth of their child. This can lead to better overall mental health outcomes for both mother and baby.

Developing Attachment

How can you develop secure attachment in pregnancy? Here are some ideas and tools to help:

1. Talking to the baby: Engaging in regular conversations with the baby in the womb can help you feel more connected. Did you know babies can hear and respond to sounds outside the womb as early as 18 weeks gestation? Talking aloud can feel awkward for some parents. Another option is writing. I love these Engaging in self-care practices: Moms who practice self-care during pregnancy, such as eating a healthy diet, getting enough rest, and engaging in regular exercise, are more likely to develop a strong sense of prenatal attachment. One tool that I used both during pregnancy and postpartum is Every Mother. Trust me, your body (and mind) will thank you.
2. Attending childbirth education classes: Participating in childbirth education classes can help expectant parents prepare for the birth of their child and feel more confident in their parenting abilities as well as increased attachment. I find comfort in information seeking and found reading books to be helpful. One of my favorites is Expecting Better. Emily Oster does a great job of summarizing key topics, while also providing detailed analysis for those who want a deeper understanding.
3. Creating a birth plan: Developing a birth plan can help expectant parents feel more in control of the birthing process and more connected to their unborn child. While having a birth plan gives a sense of control during pregnancy, do keep in mind that often our babies have plans of their own.
4. Engaging in prenatal bonding activities: Activities such as singing to the baby, reading books, and playing music can help expectant parents feel more connected to their baby.

Hopefully this has been helpful in understanding prenatal attachment. I hope these tips for creating a secure attachment in pregnancy are useful. I’d love to hear what worked for you. Leave a comment below!

If you are struggling and in need of support, Postpartum Support International is an excellent resource.

Sources

Chang, H. Y., Daubresse, M., Kravitz, R. L., & Meltzer, D. O. (2019). Effect of childbirth preparation classes on perinatal outcomes and costs: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Journal of general internal medicine, 34(11), 2448-2455.

Girard, L. C., Doyle, O., Tremblay, R. E., & Smeeding, T. M. (2021). Prenatal and postnatal maternal bonding and infant development: evidence from the UK Millennium Cohort Study. Social Science & Medicine, 269, 113553.

Jones, C. M., & Warland, J. (2020). Physical activity during pregnancy and fetal-maternal attachment: a systematic review and meta-analysis. Health psychology review, 14(4), 391-405.

Lowe, N. K., Corwin, E. J., & Lowe, L. P. (2012). Educating expectant parents about labor and birth: a critical review of the evidence. Birth, 39(2), 141-152.

White-Traut, R., Schwertz, D., & McFarlin, B. (2013). Salivary cortisol and behavioral state responses of healthy newborn infants to tactile-only and multisensory interventions. Journal of obstetric, gynecologic, and neonatal nursing, 42(2), 138-149.