Let’s face it. Once baby is born, mama is no longer the star of the show. It’s all about the baby. And with the lack of sleep and meeting the many needs of a newborn, self-care is likely the last thing on your mind.
For postpartum moms, tasks that were once mundane become monumental. Like brushing your teeth, taking a shower, getting dressed. Even emptying your bladder. What used to be a quick mindless task is now a complex multistep operation. Forget household chores. By the time you have the headspace to consider tackling a chore, or somehow manage to get started, you are interrupted by the baby.
Hopefully you have support of your partner, family and friends. But I realize that many postpartum moms don’t. With W, family frequently brought meals, which was great. Yet, when M came there was a noticeable lack of food bearing visitors. Which is strange because if feeding yourself with a newborn is hard, feeding yourself with a newborn and toddler is impossible.
Prioritizing wellbeing and your identity
So when it comes to talking about prioritizing your wellbeing as a postpartum mom, serious eye rolls likely ensue. But I hope you can set those aside for a moment and stay with me. Your wellbeing is a priority. Period.
Too often, we lose our identity as a new mom. Or rather, our identity becomes one of a mother. All thoughts and actions become mother-centric. Our former identities of partner, daughter, sister, friend, writer, nurse, educator, planner, creator, fill-in-yours are smothered. Traces of our former identity may briefly resurface but are rapidly stifled.
Assuming your new identity of mom is not inherently bad or abnormal. In fact, it’s a crucial component of developing a secure attachment and meeting the needs of your newborn. Yet, losing yourself in this new identity can be overwhelming and have a negative impact on your mental health and wellbeing.
Self-Care Ideas
One important way to improve mental wellbeing and keep your pre-existing identities as a postpartum mom is by prioritizing self-care. Remember, by taking care of yourself, you are physically and emotionally better able to care for your baby.
Here are some ideas for self care:
- Take care of your body: Eat, ideally nutritious food. One way to make this easier is to sign up for a meal delivery program. Stay hydrated. Usually the hospital will send you home with a giant water cup but I preferred to use one of my own.
- Prioritize sleep: Nap when baby naps, if you can. Ask your partner, family or friends to help with baby so you can sleep. I’ve always been a terrible napper but was able to go to sleep early and have my husband take the late evening shift.
- Stay active: Light exercise, such as walking or gentle yoga, can help with physical recovery and improve your mood. If possible, do this outside for the added benefit of fresh air.
- Practice self-compassion: Be kind and patient with yourself as you adjust to your new role. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that come with motherhood and seek support if needed.
- Connect with others: Stay connected with loved ones and other new moms through online communities, support groups, or postpartum classes. My hospital offered an online community for moms in the area as well as an in-person group. Being around those with shared experiences is so helpful as a postpartum mom.
- Make time for self-care: Take time to do activities that make you feel good, such as taking a bath, reading a book, or getting a massage. Self-care is essential for your overall well-being and can help you feel more relaxed and energized.
Make it Happen
Now that we’ve talked about ways of meeting your self-care needs, I want to share some tips on how to find time for self-care and ultimately improve your wellbeing as a postpartum mom.
- Set small goals: Instead of trying to find large chunks of time for self-care, set small goals. It can feel overwhelming or impossible to workout or meditate for 30 minutes. Start small! Allow 5 or 10 minutes of time for yourself.
- Include your baby: You can still practice self-care while caring for your baby. For example, you can take a walk with your baby in a carrier, practice gentle yoga while your baby plays on a mat or listen to calming music while you feed your baby.
- Accept help: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from family and friends. They can help you with household chores or take care of baby for a short time so that you can take a break.
- Prioritize rest: Rest or sleep when baby sleeps and avoid trying to get everything done when baby is sleeping. It is SO tempting to use the time while baby naps to tackle chores or other responsibilities. Remind yourself that those can wait or can be delegated. Rest is essential for your physical and emotional recovery.
- Create a self-care routine or ritual: Make self-care a daily habit by incorporating it into your routine. For example, take a shower or do some light exercise in the morning, or spend some time reading or journaling before bed. With W, my husband was working remotely, and we started a 10 o’clock coffee ritual. Every day at 10 am, we sat down together and enjoyed a cup of coffee. Sometimes with baby, other times without if he was napping. It came to be something we looked forward to, a moment of self-care. We still try to make it happen on weekends these days.
So there you have it. Self-care as a postpartum mom and prioritizing your wellbeing. I’d love to hear your self-care ideas. Please share below!