Introduction
The journey to motherhood is a beautiful, transformative experience, but it’s not without its challenges. This becomes particularly evident when it’s time to go back to work. As a new working mom, the transition can stir a cocktail of emotions, including joy, anxiety, anticipation, and guilt.
This article serves as an ultimate guide to help you navigate these feelings, specifically focusing on managing separation anxiety and mom guilt. These emotions can be intense and even overwhelming, but trust me, you are not alone. And most importantly, there are ways to manage these feelings effectively, allowing you to find a healthy balance between your career and your new, rewarding role as a mother.
Understanding Separation Anxiety and Guilt
Before we delve into strategies for managing these emotions, let’s first understand what they are and why they occur.
Separation anxiety is a normal part of the attachment process between a parent and a child. It typically manifests when mothers are apart from their babies, leading to feelings of distress and worry. As a new working mom, you might find yourself constantly thinking about your baby, worrying about their well-being, and missing them intensely. This often felt like pressure and panic for me, especially as the day was winding down. I’d lose focus on work and felt an intense pull to be reunited with baby.
Mom guilt, on the other hand, is a pervasive sense of guilt that many mothers experience. This guilt often stems from the feeling that you’re not doing enough, not being present enough, or simply not living up to the societal expectations of being a ‘perfect’ mother. Mom guilt is often heightened in working mothers due to the added pressure of balancing professional responsibilities with caregiving. I felt guilt about the amount of time I was missing out on. And if I managed to have a stretch of time at work without thinking about baby, I felt guilty that I wasn’t thinking about them.
Understanding that these emotions are common and part of the motherhood journey can, in itself, be comforting. However, if these feelings become too intense or start interfering with your ability to function, it’s important to seek professional help as this could be a sign of postpartum mood and anxiety disorder.
Strategies for Managing Separation Anxiety
1. Gradual Separation
One of the most effective ways of managing separation anxiety is to gradually increase the time you spend away from your baby. Start with short periods away, perhaps an hour or two, and slowly extend them over time.
This approach serves two purposes. First, it allows your baby to get used to being cared for by someone else. Second, it helps you adjust to the idea of being away from your baby. It’s akin to dipping your toe in the water before taking the plunge, making the ultimate separation less shocking and anxiety-provoking.
2. Establish a Reliable Childcare System
One of the key factors that can fuel separation anxiety is worry about your child’s wellbeing in your absence. Establishing a reliable childcare system is crucial in addressing this concern, as it can bring much-needed peace of mind.
This might involve hiring a nanny, enrolling your baby in a daycare center, or leaving your baby with a trusted family member. Every option has its own set of advantages and considerations. For instance, hiring a nanny may provide your child with one-on-one care and personalized attention, while enrolling them in a daycare could offer more socialization opportunities with other children.
Regardless of the option you choose, it’s important to ensure that you’re comfortable with the caregiver, and you trust them to provide good care for your baby. This includes making sure that the caregiver has proper qualifications, experience, and a compatible approach to childcare that aligns with your parenting style and values.
To make an informed decision, take your time to research your options. Start by asking for recommendations from friends, family, or parent groups. Conduct interviews with potential caregivers, and if possible, observe how they interact with your child. Ask about their childcare philosophies, routines, and how they handle difficult situations.
Once you’ve established a childcare system you’re comfortable with, it can significantly alleviate your anxiety. While it is natural to worry about your child’s wellbeing, knowing that they are in safe, capable hands can help you focus on the tasks at hand while you are apart. Remember that it is important for both you and your child to feel confident and secure with the childcare arrangement.
3. Create a Goodbye Ritual
Establishing a loving farewell ritual can be a heartfelt way to ease the sting of separation anxiety for both you and your little one. This cherished routine could be a tender embrace, a shared wave, a soothing lullaby, or a comforting phrase spoken with affection each time you part ways. We have a great goodbye ritual with W for about a year or so. “Hug. Kiss. Boop. Ugga-Mugga.”
This small act of love carries immense power. To your baby, it becomes a gentle signal — a reminder that while you must leave, your return is a promise. To you, it offers a moment of emotional connection, helping to alleviate the guilt or discomfort that may arise when stepping away, no matter how briefly. Through this consistent practice, you weave a tapestry of trust and emotional security that envelops your little one, making goodbyes less daunting and your eventual reunion all the more sweet.
Coping with Mom Guilt
1. Set Realistic Expectations
Setting realistic expectations is crucial in managing mom guilt. In an era of social media, where pictures of seemingly perfect moms are ubiquitous, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short. However, it’s important to remember that these are often curated images that do not reflect the full reality of motherhood.
There is no such thing as a perfect mom. Every mother has her strengths and struggles, successes, and days when everything seems to go wrong. And that’s okay. Being a good mom doesn’t mean being perfect; it means doing your best for your child and yourself.
2. Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is another important tool in managing mom guilt. This involves treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
As a new working mom, you’re navigating a significant life transition. There will be challenges, and you won’t always get everything right. Instead of berating yourself when things don’t go as planned, acknowledge that you’re doing your best, and that’s enough.
3. Seek Support
Sharing your feelings with others can be immensely therapeutic. This could be with your partner, a trusted friend, a family member, or a support group of other moms who are going through similar experiences.
Not only can this help you feel less alone, but it can also provide you with a fresh perspective and practical strategies for managing mom guilt. Remember, it’s okay to ask for help and lean on others when you need to.
Balancing Work and Motherhood
Finding the right balance between work and motherhood can be a juggling act, but it’s not impossible. Here are some strategies to help:
1. Maintain Open Communication at Work
Maintaining open and honest communication with your supervisor and colleagues about your needs as a new mom returning to work is crucial. Discuss your concerns, your scheduling needs, or any other adjustments that might help you better manage your responsibilities at home and at work.
Many employers now understand the importance of work-life balance and have policies in place to support working parents, such as flexible work hours, the option to work remotely, or the availability of a private space for nursing mothers. Don’t be afraid to explore these possibilities.
2. Plan and Prioritize
Effective planning can make a huge difference in managing your time and reducing feelings of overwhelm. Each week, take some time to outline what needs to be done both at work and at home.
Remember, not everything needs to be done perfectly, and not everything needs to be done by you. Prioritize tasks based on their urgency and importance, and consider what can be delegated, whether to a colleague at work or to your partner or a family member at home.
Also, recognize that some things might have to take a backseat during this phase of life. This isn’t a sign of failure; it’s simply an acknowledgment of the reality of your current situation.
3. Take Time for Self-Care
While juggling work and motherhood, it’s easy to forget to take care of yourself. However, self-care isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity.
When you’re physically, emotionally, and mentally well, you’re in a better position to take care of your child and manage your work responsibilities.
So, ensure you’re eating a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, engaging in regular physical activity, and taking time out to relax and do things you enjoy. This might seem difficult with a new baby and a job, but even a few minutes of self-care each day can make a significant difference. Click here for more self-care tips.
Conclusion
Transitioning back to work as a new mom can feel like an emotional roller coaster ride, filled with moments of joy, anxiety, and guilt. However, remember that these feelings are normal and shared by many mothers around the world.
Use the strategies outlined in this guide to help manage separation anxiety and mom guilt, and remember to be patient with yourself. It takes time to adjust to new routines and find a balance that works for you.
Seek support when you need it, whether from loved ones or professionals, and remember that taking care of yourself is an essential part of being a good mom.
Most importantly, remember that you’re doing an amazing job. Motherhood is a journey, not a destination, and every step you take, whether it feels like a leap forward or a stumble backward, is part of your unique path.
Finding the balance between motherhood and career isn’t always easy to find, but with patience, self-compassion, and support, you can navigate this new phase of your life successfully. Let me know in the comments what worked for you!